did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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