I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
