i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
