There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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