I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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