So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
