In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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