wat bout pragnant strippers??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
