It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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