Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
