I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
