On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
