You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
