and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize