I could make wine with my vomit
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
