Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
