dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize