Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
