good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
