the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
