He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
