The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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