i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Floor bacon is actually really good
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
