i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize