we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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