Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
