she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
