she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
