I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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