so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
