I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
