Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
