Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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