I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize