Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
