I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
