You can't motorboat a personality
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
