You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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