We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
