my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
