Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
