help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
