hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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