so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
