does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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