The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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