remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
