if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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