Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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