pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
