Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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