i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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