I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
