1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
