She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
