my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
