her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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