I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
