He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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