im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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